Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
