The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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