thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
