If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
