I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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