maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
