I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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