thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
