I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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