I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
