we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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