he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
