i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
