im holly from the hills drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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