He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Randomize
