Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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