If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
