Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
