I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
