She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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