after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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