i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
