Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
