she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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