The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
