i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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