1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
