My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
