I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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