it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
