so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
