Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
