One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
