Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
