he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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