My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
