nutella sex= disaster
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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