Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
