hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
