i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My feet surprised me
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