We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
