You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
