So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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