In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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