I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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