Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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