I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
