It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
