She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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