My liver just broke up with me...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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