you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
