wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
