Kiss
Puke
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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