Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
