Small penises have feelings too.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
