The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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