"it" just moved
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
