Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just tell him i said nine months
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
