we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
