Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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