we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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