Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
