I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
