i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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