there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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