I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
