get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I smell like Dick and happiness
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