Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
