had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
