Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
